If you are at that point in your relationship where it seems you guys are always fighting back to back, here are some pieces of advice that I’m hoping you’re going to find helpful on how to resolve conflict with your partner .
1. First and foremost you have to remember that you are not the problem and your partner is not the problem, the problem is the problem and it’s up to the two of you to work together on the same team in order to resolve that problem.
2. You can not win a battle without losing the war the minute that you’re pitted against your partner in a conflict. If you win, that means they lost and ultimately your relationship loses so you never ever want to be in that position .
3. When somebody tells you that you’ve hurt them you don’t get to decide that you didn’t and so if you don’t respond to your partner’s hurts and wounds in a relationship you will lose them and your relationship every time.
4. Assume that your partner has good intentions. This makes all the difference because think about all the times that you hear a joke but because you know the person and you trust that they have good intentions you focus on the funny side and you laugh. But if someone else says someone who you know has a thing against you, you’re going to give the worst meanings to that joke if you have a conflict with your partner, and you are able to say okay I’m sure he or she has the best intention so probably this is a question of miscommunication. This could be because we have different backgrounds. That kind of mindset makes you more open to understand why they are saying what they are saying .
5. Please stick to one argument and make sure that it is properly resolved. It’s not a good sign when you guys have to fight about the same thing over and over again.
6. Be mindful of the power of associations and use it to your advantage. This is what I mean the only reason why you tend to fall asleep when you lie down on your bed is because your brain has come to associate the bed with sleep which is why you are advised not to eat on your bed, not to work on your bed ,press your phone on your bed because if you continue doing that your brain is going to stop associating bed with sleep. If you’re having a fight with your partner and you assume the same posture you use when a stranger annoys you, you’re going to be in a fight mode but what if you say something like, “can we go to that coffee shop later today to talk about this” or “can we meet up beside mama Ola shop to talk this out when you arrive at that coffee shop” or when you tune into that video call and you’re sitting across your partner your brain is going to switch to that mindset you have when you’re brain storming. It is going to make you more solution-oriented.
7. If you find that you use silent treatment when you have conflict with your partner, it is either you’re done with that relationship or you are intentionally or unintentionally using it to manipulate your partner. In other words, it’s not something you should do or you should endure from someone else. I’m not sure yet why for most of us that’s our default conflict resolution method in relationships and friendship .
